. past . present . future .

All my life, well what I can remember of it, ive been the girl who was always chasing after some guy. I remember one time my bestie wasnt at school so I was hanging out with the 'cool' kids.. it was such a privelege and an honor I wanted to please them so much I went to lengths to do whatever they asked me.. so being the girls they were they decided to play truth or dare.. that day they found out who I liked and dared me to go kiss him on the field.. so being the girl I am I did I chased him until the bell rang.. I WAS SEVEN.. to this day I am so thankful to that bell because that guy now I dont even know who he is, or where he is or even what he is..

At youth a while back they did a dating section and one of the leaders said that she advised that we wait until were seventeen until we start dating. I sat there and was sort of like well I turn seventeen in a week, doesn't that mean I can date now? Haha on the way to church on my birthday I told my dad about this and he  joked about how I could just go to the super market and pick one up...

But if im honest ive never actually had a boyfriend, ive had things, and ive had more than enough crushes. But ive never been in a relationship. I have friends who as soon as someone breaks up with them they'll move onto the next person and its just a cycle of serial dating that never ends.

I dont want to be like that. So im signing off guys temorarily.

I've come to realize that theres more important things in life than having a boyfriend. I think that instead of chasing guys if I worked on my relationship with God, or my friendships with people who im not so close with as I once was, or started just appreciating each day and each person as they are. I think that would be a much better use of my time.

Im not saying that im not going to be friends with guys, I still am, because some of my guy friends are the awesomest people ever and I would totally die without them. But im not chasing guys... I have better things to do.

xoxox lavinia

contemplations, realizations, and wishs

So the other day i was sitting in Rm 3 contemplating the recent events of the week and realized that this time next year it'll all be pretty much over...
the petty little dramas,
the endless classes,
the waiting,
the watching.
i read somewhere that over 90% of the people you meet in high school you'll never see again,
i don't want it to be that way...
i honestly love our little lunch time group so much..
i don't want it to end..
like it'll be weird waking up each day knowing im not going to see you all,
that were not going to have another fun day Monday,
ill never make up a reason for all the bibles in math class,
ill never sass the teachers again..

i love this all so much.... i dont want it to end...

its something that as kids we wished would happen quickly,
now i just want it to slow down..
maybe peter pan was right when he said that growing up is a trap..

why cant it slow down??

conversations, new things, and a moonwalking shetland??

ive had some really great conversations lately, especially when ive put myself out there and done something different, tried something new.. ive found that theres so many cool people out there and i didnt realize it.. its mindblowing really :) just like the fact that this pony can moonwalk.. my friend kim showed it too me a couple of weeks ago and i forgot about it till now.. it actually makes my day, like we all have something uniquely individual about us and if we put ourselves out there its gonna be a good time haha..

hope it makes your day as much as it made mine :)

xoxox lavinia

planning dreams

  

i dream. always have. always will. planning? im OCD about that.. everything has to be perfect otherwise like ugh... but ive been putting alot of thought into my future and what i want to do with my life, i dont really know, like at the moment im toying with the idea of becoming a psychologist but im not entirely sure.. i guess ultimately its in Gods hands but i honestly just wish i was one of those kids whos had their whole life planned out since they were 5.. ill be honest, i dont and i never have and probably never will.. it seems like im always the last person to know about things.. especially the important things..i have dreams but i dont necessarily want to make them plans...i just wish i knew... 

xoxox lavinia 

one thousand gifts.. a dare

so i've been reading this book called 'one thousand gifts' by ann voskamp.. its a biography of her life and at first i was like ugh? but as i read it more its like life changing! she writes in a way that its her thoughts and she clearly shows the way she gets to different points.. its amazing!! anyways like where im upto in the book shes just started a list of all the things shes thankful for.. a list of one thousand gifts that God has given her.. i thought it was such a neat idea to write a list of all those things.. because its exactly what God instructed us.. to 'give thanks'. shes opened my eyes to all the places in the bible when they gave thanks.. two words that change things drastically.. anyway some where in the bible it says something like when ever you call something by name you recognize the love God has for it.. and so im going to start a list of all the things im thankful for.. my goal?? one thousand of them... and you know what i dare you to too :)

xoxox lavinia

No regrets...

I've been thinking for the past couple of weeks how boring my life actually is. like i do nothing. at all. And my life is full of regrets.. i was watching the video of Kim K's letter to herself and it got me thinking of what i would write to my younger self, I have too many regrets.. i want to start living so i was scrolling through my pinterest and i found this picture which summarized what i had been feeling so im expanding on it for the rest of you :) ENJOY..

\\LIVE//

Ever since I was a little girl I've wanted to go somewhere..... somewhere where the world was perfect, where there was no fighting or war or people telling me how imperfect I was/am...... I used to share a room with my brother when we were super little and when we went to bed at night we used to pretend that our beds were spaceships and that our minds were space..... we'd go and pick up all our friends and then go off to meet up at anywhere I guess but it was somewhere that we could just get away..... Looking back I don't know what sparked that fairy-tale but I do know that what ever it was it was and still is one of my best memories of my childhood.... 

\\TRAVEL//

All my life i've wanted to go to Paris. But i also have found myself wanting to go to America for a gap year lately so i think that really i just want to travel, to explore more, to embrace my inner child.. like the other night at youth we were playing hide and seek, in the dark, and it was sooo fun because i love just exploring and finding new things.., discovering. 

\\ADVENTURE// 

I've been finding that you dont have to travel to have an adventure.. ive been reading through the Trixie Belden series (which i was absolutely obsessed with when i was younger) and they had adventures in their own backyards.. anyways so near the end of last year i posted my bucket list of things i wanted to do before i finished school (meaning uni because there's no way ill finish it all by the time i leave high school.. and uni counts as high school doesn't it? ) and so many of them are literally do-able in Auckland.. what im getting at is i want to have an unforgettable adventure, in my own backyard.

\\BLESS//

My greatest goal in life is to show the forgotten and helpless that the world isn't just made up of haters, and that there are people out there who care about others. I've been really encouraged lately by the work of Hannah Brencher. She heads up a company that anonymously sends out love letters to people who have been nominated by their friends and family. The letters are written to absolute strangers by strangers.. i personally think its such a cool idea and have started carrying a couple around in my bags with me to share or place where i feel needed... 

\\DON'T BE SORRY//

A quote I love says to live life with no regrets and I guess in a way that's what I do...... im trying really hard to minimize the amounts of times I say 'oh why did I do that' and instead say '' ok I did that how can I fix it or live with it" ........... people, myself included need to learn that everyone makes mistakes and that nobody is perfect.

xoxox lavinia

wise words of a night owl

" i think life isn't about knowing.. if you knew you could predict and it would be boring... there's a certain magic to not knowing.. it gives the element of surprise, and sometimes those surprises are bad but ive come to find the good surprises surpass by far the bad ones and they are what make life worth living.. "

and i think its only when you truly experience life it
makes you truly grateful for what you have.

 xoxox lavinia

mondayitis

i realized a lot of things today. like the fact that there's no point in crushing on that guy in the year above cos he'll never accept you. and that those girls who you think are so cool aren't actually because all they do is complain and gossip and kill peoples dreams. and even when you feel like your having the worst day ever.. it can get worst. and that NOBODY CARES about the fact that you have the worst headache ever and that you feel like someone kicked you in the head, they don't care, never have and tbh they probably never will, to them your just that invisible thing that sticks to the bottom of their shoe.. like ew, and when he greets you by saying ew, he actually means it literally, its not an inside joke, its the sad truth... and when you realize that your behind in all your class' and all you want to do is run away because you have to write three essays by lunchtime tomorrow and just thinking about it gives you an even worse headache and before you know it the bell rings and your saved... for the next seventeen hours at least until you rock up on the bus and have to start it all over again.. all i can say is good luck.

and that mountains of books is your homework that was due two weeks ago..

xoxox lavinia

Pine trees, snakes and whales.

HOLLY IS MY FAVE!! okay so i didnt know what to write to you all about so i asked my lovely friends in my design class and holly told me to write about snakes and connor wanted me to write about whales and i could see pine trees out the window.. haha so here goes nothing..

PORPISE!!!

• Snakes have no eyelids... so they dont blink.. thats how they creepy watch people all the time... wait how do they sleep then??
• Whales have hair!! although very little of it, but still!!
• pine trees belong to the pinecae family.
• snakes are found on every continent of the world EXCEPT antartica
• whales are in the same family as dolphins and porpises, whatever they are..
• a porpise is a small toothed whale with a low triangular dorsal fin and a blunt rounded snout.. basically a cross between a whale and a dolphin.. 

So yea thats the facts of the day :) haha hope you all have a great weekend.. 

xoxox lavinia

Tongariro.. the best days of my life

so I just spent the past week down in tongariro national park with four of my besties, a girl that pisses me off so bad and the rest of my geo class.. it was an amazing experience, I wasn't as homesick as I thought I might be.. in all honesty it was amazing the views from the top of mtkillmenow, the scree, father Abraham, the freezing cold streams, wet feet and sleeping on the floor.. loved it all and would go back and do it again in a heartbeat.. it was cool to have a break from reality and see how amazing Gods creation really is.. granted for most of it we were all on a sugar high but it was great and I miss it so much, take me back.. please..

xoxox lavinia

It was honestly the best experience of my life.. these guys made it seriously the best!